


in this little space

by blinderror



Series: dreamteam tingz [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Dissociation, Emotional Baggage, Gen, George is a closed off person, Light Angst, No Romance, Not Beta Read, someone hug the poor dude :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25949263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blinderror/pseuds/blinderror
Summary: in which george isn't the best at handling emotions and it doesn't end too well.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: dreamteam tingz [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887958
Comments: 7
Kudos: 119





	in this little space

**Author's Note:**

> small fic that i've based off of a scary amount of posts where people are coming at george for not knowing how to comfort his friends.
> 
> disclaimer : if any of the boys are uncomfortable with the writing of his fanfic or any fanfic about them in general i will take this down no hesitation. these are real people with real lives and the last thing i want is to make them uncomfortable.

It had been a normal day for George so far. He got up, ate, changed, and hopped onto the smp server to play with his friends. It was peaceful for him, a sort of tranquility he greatly enjoyed experiencing. Nothing changing, nothing going wrong. At least that's how the day had been going.

He wasn't estranged by saying the wrong things while talking every now and then, it was a habit he'd sadly fallen victim of. He just didn't expect it to hurt one of his friend's feelings.

-

"I guess i'll just leave, I don't really need you anymore" George said a bit too quick to stop himself. _Shoot not again._ He mentally scolded himself.

"Alright.. that's kinda mean" Sapnap told him in remarks to his previous statement. George was caught off guard, expecting his friend to realize he didn't mean it like that. "Yea... that actually kinda hurt my feelings.. I- I like talking to you man" Sapnap continued after receiving no response from the older man. George could hear the hurt coming from his friend's voice and felt his leg start to tremble. He felt the anxiety ripple in his skin, but he was streaming and knew he had to keep calm. "Really?" he answered, trying his best to sound normal. He got a simple "Yea" and threw a "Why" a bit too quick for his liking. _Calm down._ He mentally warned himself. "Cause you're my friend" Sapnap told him, hurt still spilling from his voice. George didn't know how to help the situation. "Am I?" He asked in a lower voice. _Friends don't say what I say, even if it was on accident._ He heard another ''Yea" the tone in Sapnap's voice not changing.

In a quick attempt to defuse the situation George changed the subject, trying to get his original thought across before he said what he said. The two were able to continue playing as normal but the atmosphere felt tense. It made him feel like he was suffocating, eventually he was able to move on from the occurrence and continue the stream normally. 

By the time he ended the stream he felt quite tired and tossed himself in bed for a bit, deciding to scroll through twitter for a while. Clips of what he told Sapnap were popping up every now and then with people saying 'that was cold', along with 'this is why i prefer sapnap'. There were some comments where people said George simply didn't know how to handle emotions and he knew the majority were most likely with good intentions but it left a sour feeling in his body.

He put his phone down, proceeding to stare at the ceiling. _Why did I have to say that?_ He asked himself, he felt his stomach swirl as he remembered the moment. He didn't blame the fans for saying what they did, they had a point after all. _I should've just apologized and corrected myself._ He reprimanded himself. It pained him to hear his friend was hurt from something he didn't mean, it pained him even more to think that he did nothing about it. He just didn't know what to do in the moment.

He let out a groan feeling quite uncomfortable in his own skin and finally decided to do what he should've down hours ago.

**GeorgeNotFound : _Hey, sorry this is a bit late to say. I'm sorry about what I said earlier, I didn't mean it like that. I just got my words mixed up._**

He hit send on the discord message and shut his computer back off, preferring to reside in the comfort of his quiet room for a while. 

George sat on the floor, leaning against his bed frame. He let out a sigh, feeling as his brain whirred with thoughts.

George wasn't the best at handling things on spot. He's never been great with expressing his emotions, always keeping to himself and not really letting others in. To others it seemed like a bad habit he picked up on, but he found it helpful. Without the need to rely on people and keeping to himself he never had to worry about being annoying or burdening others. He had suffered through losses and heartbreaks, but not once spoken about how he felt. It's not that people didn't know, for instance when his cat passed away he had alerted his viewers but he never once said how it made him feel. People simply assumed he was sad at the loss but he never confirmed anything. It was just something he was used to doing.

His lack of opening up though is what it makes it awkward to have someone open up to him. He isn't used to it. 

It wasn't the first time his fans had pointed out a scene where he failed to be there for one of his friends, it had happened with Dream some time back as well. George wasn't entirely sure what the cause was but Dream had been down during a video, George knew this because it was obvious from the way he acted to the way he spoke. He didn't know how to be there in the way he needed it so he resorted to humor. " _Everything's just a joke to you isn't George?"_ He recalled Dream saying. It was words that George would catch himself repeating over and over again at times. Hearing that hurt him, but he swallowed the feeling and kept going eliciting a laugh from Dream. He felt accomplished at being able to get his friend to laugh, but that feeling faded rather quickly as the two fell into silence. _Humor isn't the best course of action to take._ He had mentally told himself that day. _Everything can't be a joke_.

There were other occurrences where he failed to express proper emotion that didn't have to do with comforting his friends, such as every time he was asked to tell Dream he loved him. He felt pressured every time he was asked whether by his fan, friends, or Dream himself. It's not that he didn't. He just doesn't like to share his feelings like that. When one of the fans managed to get him to say it he felt his stomach squirm at the realization. He never showed his discomfort, simply playing it off as a 'can't believe that got me' type joke. It happened a couple more times after that, each time provoking him to internally come apart. Even the one time he said it on his own terms felt wrong. The words leaving a distaste in his mouth. 

No one knew that though.

George had learned to internalize everything he felt. On stream or in person if something bothered him he'd deal with it on his own and continue his own calm manners with a smile plastered on his face. It's how he went about with everything, and it worked for him. If something ever felt like too much he'd detach himself from the world and come back when he felt right again. No one had to know. 

A ping on his phone brought George back to reality. The British man realizing he was stuck in his head for a while contemplating why he is the way he is. 

He picked up his phone and unlocked it to a response from Sapnap.

**Sapnap : _No worries man! Thank you for apologizing, you're good though I get it :P_**

George felt a faint smile on his face reading the messages. He knew Sapnap would understand. At least he'd understand from what George told him. Deep down George knew that Sapnap didn't understand the full concept of why that happened, but George wasn't planning on explaining it either way. He was just glad he could make things right on their end. 

_Besides the only way they'd understand is if he was in my head. Things only make sense in this little space I call my mind._

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't sure whether to tag this with 'dissociation' since it's merely hinted at and now really put out there but oh well-
> 
> i had been meaning to write something revolving around george and the idea came to me while scrolling through tik tok and seeing a strange amount of posts about george not handling the sapnap thing well. while i'm not insinuating george was in the right i'm also not saying he was in the wrong. we don't know how george is accustomed to handling such things and even though it might not seem right to us, we as fans should do our best to try and understand (?) idk don't take it from me it's just the way i see it. 
> 
> hope you enjoyed!


End file.
